From "Life On The Back Page"
Well, perhaps you’re not calling yourself that, but if you’re like me you at least resemble one after the overgrazing of the past month or so. I never met a dumpling I didn’t like, but they do possess one annoying trait: a tendency to hang around. My navel. And so, it being the second month of the year and your New Year’s resolution already blown to smithereens by such devious devices as pancakes, buttered biscuits and gravy of all description, I offer the following plan of action to regain your youthful, girlish figure. And after we get that one back, we’ll set our sights on the fine specimen of manhood you were six weeks before you got married. The first time. This is a tried and true, (mostly dirt) road-tested technique that is absolutely guaranteed to peel off unwanted pounds. And there’s no need to add to your credit card balance -- as if you could, what with Christmas recently hence -- by ordering up fancy new-fangled toning machines, the vast majority of which are truly superb gadgets. At gathering dust. But on YOUR new weight-loss plan, dust will not be gathering. It will, in fact, be kicked up in singularly spectacular clouds, as you whisk your way across the countryside. But wait! That’s not all! Under this method, at the end of the day you’ll even discover that there are no high-priced, specially-prepared and carefully measured food packages to add hidden costs. In fact, adhere strictly to the guidelines and you may just end up with a nutritious, delicious, low-calorie, rather furry meal in hand. So without further ado, I give you: THE LEPORIDAE DIET!